Being a mother

All the things you go through as a mother

might makes you ask you the question:

is it worth it?

all the

worries

sadness 

anger

and maybe most of all

the odd feeling of being

in total power 

in the exactly same time as

youre feeling

totally 

powerless 

is it worth it?

you give up your life

you could go travelling 

go wherever you wanted without asking 

without considering 

anybody else 

if you didn't have a child

you tie yourself 

to this child

for at least 18 years 

is it worth it? 

1 june ive been a mother for three months 

and today is the first day that i can honestly say 

at least for myself

that one day I can imagine to have another baby 

beaucuse being a mother

going through a pregnancy 

giving birth to a child

it's painful 

traumatising 

and that's just so far

I will probably scream a thousand times

complain a thusand times

but I can't think of another thing in life 

so far 

that can be so traumatizing 

and still be 

so much worth it 

Update

Hi.

I just read that the latest update on this blog was written the 22th of february. And then i realize that that was the time before our son was born. It's interesting how fast you adjust to such a lifechanging thing. And it's interesting that it's so hard to imagine how life was before this lifechanging thing happened.

February the 29th my water broke. March the 1st I gave birth to Noah. The night between march the 3 and March the 4st they woke me up on the hospital, telling me my son had seizures. After that we lived on the hospital for about 3 weeks while watching our son being caught up by tubes. The doctors took all the tests they possibly could. I mostly looked like a ghost and cried, forcing myself to sit with my son even though it basicly broked my heart to watch him like that. I felt powerless before, but this brought that feeling to a whole new dimension.

A lot could be said about living in a hospital, watching your son and not being able to hold him, hearing the doctors keep telling  you that everything is looking good even though you know that something is wrong. And I could go on about the life in a hospital for the one who wants to hear about it, I might even make a whole page about just that thing. But for now all I want to tell you is that we are all ok. Noah (our son) is home, safe and sound and stabil, He gets medicine once a day but besides that he is like any other baby. Although, in my humble and non objective opinion, he is the most beautiful baby in the world.

Thank you, love/ Mom