A good parent

When do you become a mother?
is it the day a fetus starts to grow inside you
the day you give birth to a child
or the moment you realize
with your whole body
that you are a mother?

I use to think that you have to
act like a parent to be one
is that true?
and can't a parent be anyone
around a child
who takes responsibility for it like
a mother or a father should?

every question leads to the next question

but the biggest question of them all must be
what is a good parent?
and are you ever
 a good enough parent?


Love/
Mom

Our family

Hi.

Time flies, as you say.
And you have no idea what consequenses your actions will have
all your efforts
all the struggles
will my child turn up ok?
will he feel important and loved?
I don't know

but now moore than ever
I fel like I'm a part of something beautiful
part of a family

and what ive learned the past months
moore than ever
is how important it is to smile and have fun
together
there is no perfection
but there is
love
and
forgiveness

with that said I just want to share some  pictures
of my dear family
I love them all, even on my worst days.

love/ mom

Being a mother

All the things you go through as a mother

might makes you ask you the question:

is it worth it?

all the

worries

sadness 

anger

and maybe most of all

the odd feeling of being

in total power 

in the exactly same time as

youre feeling

totally 

powerless 

is it worth it?

you give up your life

you could go travelling 

go wherever you wanted without asking 

without considering 

anybody else 

if you didn't have a child

you tie yourself 

to this child

for at least 18 years 

is it worth it? 

1 june ive been a mother for three months 

and today is the first day that i can honestly say 

at least for myself

that one day I can imagine to have another baby 

beaucuse being a mother

going through a pregnancy 

giving birth to a child

it's painful 

traumatising 

and that's just so far

I will probably scream a thousand times

complain a thusand times

but I can't think of another thing in life 

so far 

that can be so traumatizing 

and still be 

so much worth it 

Update

Hi.

I just read that the latest update on this blog was written the 22th of february. And then i realize that that was the time before our son was born. It's interesting how fast you adjust to such a lifechanging thing. And it's interesting that it's so hard to imagine how life was before this lifechanging thing happened.

February the 29th my water broke. March the 1st I gave birth to Noah. The night between march the 3 and March the 4st they woke me up on the hospital, telling me my son had seizures. After that we lived on the hospital for about 3 weeks while watching our son being caught up by tubes. The doctors took all the tests they possibly could. I mostly looked like a ghost and cried, forcing myself to sit with my son even though it basicly broked my heart to watch him like that. I felt powerless before, but this brought that feeling to a whole new dimension.

A lot could be said about living in a hospital, watching your son and not being able to hold him, hearing the doctors keep telling  you that everything is looking good even though you know that something is wrong. And I could go on about the life in a hospital for the one who wants to hear about it, I might even make a whole page about just that thing. But for now all I want to tell you is that we are all ok. Noah (our son) is home, safe and sound and stabil, He gets medicine once a day but besides that he is like any other baby. Although, in my humble and non objective opinion, he is the most beautiful baby in the world.

Thank you, love/ Mom

The same no more

Hi.

Sometimes, it is as time kinda slows down and something quite unexpected happens.
The world is changing every day, but sometimes it will be the same no more.
- Alf henriksson (my translation)

We are nearing the first stop on this journey...
A change.
And lets face it, without change, life would be rather dull, right?
The basic truth is that change happens constantly.
Its just that some changes affect more than others.
After some changes life will be the same no more.

May the force be with you
Zendad

A part of it too (late part of pregnancy)

Eight days left until duedate.
I'm mostly:

Stressing
(how the hell will I manage this?!)
sleeping
(when I don't get interrupted by needing to turn from one side to another
or having nightmares)
sweat
( how the hell can you sweat like that i the middle of the winter?!)
and drinking water
(but this last part I keep forgetting...)

So. Right now I'm mostly in pain or really tired or just pissed of or scared or... something like that ;)

I guess this is a part of it too
just like all the other parts
all the little parts of feeling
good or bad
or
both at the same time
all the little parts that
makes it
terrifying and lovely
big and scary

So I guess that all I can really do
is  to
hang in there
and hope
with all my heart

that it will all be ok

so will you hope with me?

Love/
Mom

Things, what do you really need?

Hi.

They say that there is a lot of things you have to buy before a baby arrives to your home.
 In general, if you get inside a babyshop or even a general toystore it's easy to believe that you will need every single thing in there to give your child the best childhood it can get.
But what things, in this djungle of things, do you really need?

I don't have a list for you. Since this is my first child, and even moore beacuse the baby hasn't arrived yet, I really don't know exactly what things that will be needed and used. But I do know one thing: you can't possibly need all of the things they sell. So I kind of feel sorry for all of the first-time parents out there who has no idea what you really need to make your child safe and happy. Beacuse lt's face it: we want to to give our child everything. Even if it costs. But from one insecure first-parent to another (and to all parents and everyone who will ever be a parent): think for yourselves. Ask yourselves: Do I/we really need this?


Below, you can see a few things that we did buy,

 We can't decide if it's a cow or a giraffe without the long neck, but hopefully, it will 

become a dear friend ;) 

Well, even how much you want to save in on things, you can't escape the fact that a child will

need a bed. 

Some things, money just can't buy. A piece of art on my stomach by our family.  

Thank you

Love/

mom