Independence,my dear

Independence seems important nowadays, my dear

they say you should sleep alone in your own bed

and be carefree if I walk out of the room

they say that's what makes you sleep better

but you scream, my dear

when you see my back

when you see my footsteps walking out of the room

from your room

as if I planned to abandon you completely

and you don't like sleeping alone, my dear

you like sleeping beside me

with your ear next to my heart

and your little tiny arm

on my stomach

I wonder what makes them rush this independence, my dear

and I wonder if it makes me a worse mom in their eyes

your need of being close

but what does your need of being close tell them, my dear?

that you're not safe enough

or that you being close

is exactly what's going to give you the safety

that you need

for you to one day show them their dear independence?

thank you
Love/ mom

                                                  

                                                       photo: Frans Nilsson

  

Still surviving

Hi.

Many days has passed
and I can't tell you about all of them
but I remember this day
this awful day when it all felt terrible
and then suddenly
my son lets go of the table and takes a few stumbling steps towards me
and I start to cry
but this time It wasn't sad tears
but happy

Besides that
I just want to tell you
that this family of chaos
is doing ok
and still surviving
everything that is coming
in our way

Thank you
Love/ jannica

Parenting

As a parent it's hard to know exactly if you're doing something
right
or if you're doing it totally
wrong

There are so many opinions on how to raise kids
so many people who seems to know exactly
how you should do it

But it's not always so easy when you are in the middle of it
which fights do you take and which ones do you let go of?
And as a stepmother, what do you do when your stepchild is in a crisis?
What battles do you take and which ones should you delegate?

Even a parent with the best intentions
can make the worst mistakes
so how do you do it?

I really don't know
but if it's something my husband taught me
it would be to smile
and this video
does that for me

Thank you
Love/mom

Christmas feeling

Well, it's christmas soon...

Thank you
Love/mom 

Ode to my husband

Sometimes you face things that hurts
sometimes life seems to spin around so fast
with one problem after the other
that all you really want to do is scream
just to get the hurt inside to dissapear

and sometimes in the middle of all that
you need to take care of your family
so what happens when both parents feels like this?

I sometimes take the anger and frustration out on my husband
and so does he
but somehow in all the misery
we manage to
laugh

we manage to laugh at the misery
or at something totally different
but the point is that it helps
it helps to have someone that makes you
smile

someone that makes you feel like
there is light in the world
a little light or a pair of arms
sitting right besides you
waiting to catch you
when you
fall

So I guess this a big thank you to my husband
he drives me crazy but somehow he always manages to
make me
smile

Thank you
Love/ Mom

Thank you mom

It's this new thing with being a parent
I force myself to smile
even the the days when I feel
miserable
I use to have days where I just did
nothing
as in lying in the couch watching
series
or just lying in my bed

So what do you do with those days
when you have a child that can't manage to be
alone?

You get up, do your routines with your child
and then smile until you mean it

Its an upside and an downside with that fact

the downside is that sometimes I feel like a
terrible mother
longing to
just
be
alone

to
just
get
some
rest

the upside is that it mostly works
my child constantly brings me back to
now
not
the past
or
the future
but simply
now

It doesn't matter that I don't do it for me
If I smile than somehow it feels better
(at least sometimes)

And there's another thing with realizing this
suddenly I see my own mom with another kind of eyes
suddenly I see the struggle and the determination
that she and every other good parent have
to during any circumstance
do all that's in your power for
your child

So
thank you mom
for always doing the best you can
Thank you
Love/ Mom

Some days (worries and fears)

Some days you are so busy trying to do everything
right
that all you do is everything
wrong

you keep worrying about
every
single
thing
Instead of just
being there

at least I do

Some days I forget to enjoy it
forget to enjoy my childs beautiful
eyes
forget to enjoy that adorable
smile
forget to just
be there

but when I do remember
when I just sit to watch my sons fascination
fascination of the world itself
then sometimes
If im lucky
all the worries and fears just
go away
if I'm lucky
I go from worrying about what kind of mother I
should be
to simply just being a mother
spening time with her child

Thank you
Love/mom