Late pregnancy thoughts

Tonight, as i layed next to my son, waiting for him to fall asleep 

I found myself having trouble relaxing 

found that all my body was really filled with 

(Exept for the soon to be born baby) 

was worry and fear 

What if we have to wake our son up in the middle of the night? 

he has never slept a night without me 

and it's hard to let go 

And trust that he will be ok

what if I scare the hell out of him with my pain

and what if he feels totally abandoned? 

Right now, our son wants us to be wherever he is 

in the same room

right beside him 

and as a parent 

you sometimes doubt everything you do 

is it my fault that he is so clingy right now? 

am I doing something wrong? 

and most of all 

How will I handle this big wave of change 

coming our way? 

But then I heard this tiny little voice 

from somewhere deep within saying: 

Youre doing the best you can 

You don't know all the answers 

And I found myself crying 

thinking:

I am. I'm doing all I can for my little boy 

And when it comes down to it

that's really all we can do as human beings 

and parents 

Isn't it? 

Cause how can we know moore than we know? 

And do moore than we can? 

Thank you. Love/ mom 

The family is growing

This little fella has the 8th of february as a duedate
That means that in a few months this family will be bigger
filled with three boys
one man
and me
(apparently I will be the only girl in this home)

And it's a different thing this time
sure I worry
but It's about different things
and this time
I somehow know
that it will all be ok


Thank you
Love/Mom

Independence,my dear

Independence seems important nowadays, my dear

they say you should sleep alone in your own bed

and be carefree if I walk out of the room

they say that's what makes you sleep better

but you scream, my dear

when you see my back

when you see my footsteps walking out of the room

from your room

as if I planned to abandon you completely

and you don't like sleeping alone, my dear

you like sleeping beside me

with your ear next to my heart

and your little tiny arm

on my stomach

I wonder what makes them rush this independence, my dear

and I wonder if it makes me a worse mom in their eyes

your need of being close

but what does your need of being close tell them, my dear?

that you're not safe enough

or that you being close

is exactly what's going to give you the safety

that you need

for you to one day show them their dear independence?

thank you
Love/ mom

                                                  

                                                       photo: Frans Nilsson

  

Still surviving

Hi.

Many days has passed
and I can't tell you about all of them
but I remember this day
this awful day when it all felt terrible
and then suddenly
my son lets go of the table and takes a few stumbling steps towards me
and I start to cry
but this time It wasn't sad tears
but happy

Besides that
I just want to tell you
that this family of chaos
is doing ok
and still surviving
everything that is coming
in our way

Thank you
Love/ jannica

Parenting

As a parent it's hard to know exactly if you're doing something
right
or if you're doing it totally
wrong

There are so many opinions on how to raise kids
so many people who seems to know exactly
how you should do it

But it's not always so easy when you are in the middle of it
which fights do you take and which ones do you let go of?
And as a stepmother, what do you do when your stepchild is in a crisis?
What battles do you take and which ones should you delegate?

Even a parent with the best intentions
can make the worst mistakes
so how do you do it?

I really don't know
but if it's something my husband taught me
it would be to smile
and this video
does that for me

Thank you
Love/mom

Christmas feeling

Well, it's christmas soon...

Thank you
Love/mom 

Ode to my husband

Sometimes you face things that hurts
sometimes life seems to spin around so fast
with one problem after the other
that all you really want to do is scream
just to get the hurt inside to dissapear

and sometimes in the middle of all that
you need to take care of your family
so what happens when both parents feels like this?

I sometimes take the anger and frustration out on my husband
and so does he
but somehow in all the misery
we manage to
laugh

we manage to laugh at the misery
or at something totally different
but the point is that it helps
it helps to have someone that makes you
smile

someone that makes you feel like
there is light in the world
a little light or a pair of arms
sitting right besides you
waiting to catch you
when you
fall

So I guess this a big thank you to my husband
he drives me crazy but somehow he always manages to
make me
smile

Thank you
Love/ Mom