Some days

Some days I wonder what I'm doing
what I gave myself into

five in the morning
walking around in the neighbourhood with the stroller
pissed of that my son woke up
cause I know him good enough to know
that he is still tired

lunchtime
trying to get him to eat some food
while he loudly scream as a protest
(how  do you get a baby to start eating food?)

nightime
when he wakes up almost once an hour
keeping me from sleeping

Somedays I have absoluteley no idea
how to do this

how to raise kids who are happy and safe
but not
spoiled and ungrateful

how to have more than one kid at home
and still make everyone feel
special
and
loved

when I look at it everyone else seems to have it all
so put together
so wellworking

but then again, how could they?

maybe we are all just really good actors?

and if we are then why?

why can't we just admit it?

there is no freekin dictonary for how to be a parent
there is no "control"
there is just improvising
and praying to who/whatever you believe in
that you get something right


Thank you
Love/
mom

The beauty of being a mother

The other day I had the privilege to sing on a funeral

it was for a young man, 

younger than myself

who died of cancer.

I watched his family say goodbye to him 

watched his mother lean on her loved ones

barely standing up straight

as she said her farewell by the coffin

then I went to get my son

took him aside 

laughed and cried 

at the same time 

thankful that he is ok 

the same night 

i watched my son sleep 

watched his tiny chest

moving up and down 

just feeling lucky 

and terrified

all at once 

what If I loose him?

what If he looses me?

the agony and beauty 

of being a mother 

It all becomes so fragile

it all becomes so terrifying 

but it all also

becomes so 

beautiful. 

Thank you 

Love/ Mom 

A good parent

When do you become a mother?
is it the day a fetus starts to grow inside you
the day you give birth to a child
or the moment you realize
with your whole body
that you are a mother?

I use to think that you have to
act like a parent to be one
is that true?
and can't a parent be anyone
around a child
who takes responsibility for it like
a mother or a father should?

every question leads to the next question

but the biggest question of them all must be
what is a good parent?
and are you ever
 a good enough parent?


Love/
Mom