Parenting

As a parent it's hard to know exactly if you're doing something
right
or if you're doing it totally
wrong

There are so many opinions on how to raise kids
so many people who seems to know exactly
how you should do it

But it's not always so easy when you are in the middle of it
which fights do you take and which ones do you let go of?
And as a stepmother, what do you do when your stepchild is in a crisis?
What battles do you take and which ones should you delegate?

Even a parent with the best intentions
can make the worst mistakes
so how do you do it?

I really don't know
but if it's something my husband taught me
it would be to smile
and this video
does that for me

Thank you
Love/mom

Christmas feeling

Well, it's christmas soon...

Thank you
Love/mom 

Ode to my husband

Sometimes you face things that hurts
sometimes life seems to spin around so fast
with one problem after the other
that all you really want to do is scream
just to get the hurt inside to dissapear

and sometimes in the middle of all that
you need to take care of your family
so what happens when both parents feels like this?

I sometimes take the anger and frustration out on my husband
and so does he
but somehow in all the misery
we manage to
laugh

we manage to laugh at the misery
or at something totally different
but the point is that it helps
it helps to have someone that makes you
smile

someone that makes you feel like
there is light in the world
a little light or a pair of arms
sitting right besides you
waiting to catch you
when you
fall

So I guess this a big thank you to my husband
he drives me crazy but somehow he always manages to
make me
smile

Thank you
Love/ Mom

Thank you mom

It's this new thing with being a parent
I force myself to smile
even the the days when I feel
miserable
I use to have days where I just did
nothing
as in lying in the couch watching
series
or just lying in my bed

So what do you do with those days
when you have a child that can't manage to be
alone?

You get up, do your routines with your child
and then smile until you mean it

Its an upside and an downside with that fact

the downside is that sometimes I feel like a
terrible mother
longing to
just
be
alone

to
just
get
some
rest

the upside is that it mostly works
my child constantly brings me back to
now
not
the past
or
the future
but simply
now

It doesn't matter that I don't do it for me
If I smile than somehow it feels better
(at least sometimes)

And there's another thing with realizing this
suddenly I see my own mom with another kind of eyes
suddenly I see the struggle and the determination
that she and every other good parent have
to during any circumstance
do all that's in your power for
your child

So
thank you mom
for always doing the best you can
Thank you
Love/ Mom

Some days (worries and fears)

Some days you are so busy trying to do everything
right
that all you do is everything
wrong

you keep worrying about
every
single
thing
Instead of just
being there

at least I do

Some days I forget to enjoy it
forget to enjoy my childs beautiful
eyes
forget to enjoy that adorable
smile
forget to just
be there

but when I do remember
when I just sit to watch my sons fascination
fascination of the world itself
then sometimes
If im lucky
all the worries and fears just
go away
if I'm lucky
I go from worrying about what kind of mother I
should be
to simply just being a mother
spening time with her child

Thank you
Love/mom

Ode to the parents

I'm not sure what to write about today
I'm an overtired mom who just put my son to bed
who should do the dishes and make food for tomorrow
who shouldn't do any of the above
who should just
sleep

Basicly I'm like any other mom
doing her best to be a good
mother
wife
and friend


Sometimes I don't succed
does that make me less of a person?
does that make me bad?
can it be ok
to just say
no I'm to tired?

People keep telling me that its a part of it
the no sleep part
does that make it easy?
does that mean that I always need to
stay put
and say
no worries?

Yesterday i cried on the bathroom floor
simply beacuse I was
to exhausted
to do otherwise

Simply beacuse sometimes
I think that I'll never ever be
good enough

Mothers do that
probably fathers to
but that's not what we see
and that s not what we show
beacuse somehow we are all just suppose to
hang in there

So to all good mothers and fathers out there
to all of you who keeps struggling
to be a good parent
to all of you who would do anything
to keep your child safe and sound
though you're exhausted

You are good enough
actually
you are moore than that
you are a
superhero

so give yourself som credit, ok?

Thank you
Love/
Mom

Everyday superheroes

Hi.

All day father played with his children, along with his wife.
That night, after he had put his son to bed, they both cuddled up in the sofa.
The next day he got up and took care of everything in the spirit of everyday hero he and every other good father is.

Mtfbwy
/ Zendad

Ode to the child

I'm not sure what to answer

when my stepson asks 

why we can't all live together

him
me

his dad

and his mother

I don't know what to say

when he tells me and his dad
that he is afraid that we are going to fight
beacuse if we do

we are going to get divorced

I admire all the children

who has been in the middle of a divorce

all those kids who
somehow

survived
it

I admire how they adjust

living in two homes

two worlds

that sometimes

is totally different from each other

I understand
sometimes

you get it wrong

sometimes
you did all you could

but
still can't be happy together

I understand that divorce

is sometimes the best choice

But I also see this little kid

who never asked for any of it

who just happened to be

in the middle

of
a
big

bloody

mess

Thank you
love/Mom

The boy with the lovely eyes

The little boy with the lovely eyes
is crawling around in the world now
terrified that I will dissapear

There's a lot to take in
when the world suddenly turns bigger
I can see it in his eyes
and hear it in his shout

I'm exhausted
as most mothers are
somedays i'm jealous at my husband
for having his freedom
his alonetime
and i wonder what i did with mine
before my son was born

But then It hits me
I might be exhausted and scared
but all that fear
all that exhaustion
is probably nothing
compared to what he is feeling
the little boy with the lovely eyes

Its not easy
it probably never will be
I'm not perfect
I will probably bite my tounge
so I won't shout at him some nights

Maybe my biggest mission as a mother
isn't to have all the answers
to do everything right
maybe my biggest mission
is to just
be there

be there
and constantly prove
that I won't ever leave
the boy with the lovely eyes

Some days

Some days I wonder what I'm doing
what I gave myself into

five in the morning
walking around in the neighbourhood with the stroller
pissed of that my son woke up
cause I know him good enough to know
that he is still tired

lunchtime
trying to get him to eat some food
while he loudly scream as a protest
(how  do you get a baby to start eating food?)

nightime
when he wakes up almost once an hour
keeping me from sleeping

Somedays I have absoluteley no idea
how to do this

how to raise kids who are happy and safe
but not
spoiled and ungrateful

how to have more than one kid at home
and still make everyone feel
special
and
loved

when I look at it everyone else seems to have it all
so put together
so wellworking

but then again, how could they?

maybe we are all just really good actors?

and if we are then why?

why can't we just admit it?

there is no freekin dictonary for how to be a parent
there is no "control"
there is just improvising
and praying to who/whatever you believe in
that you get something right


Thank you
Love/
mom

The beauty of being a mother

The other day I had the privilege to sing on a funeral

it was for a young man, 

younger than myself

who died of cancer.

I watched his family say goodbye to him 

watched his mother lean on her loved ones

barely standing up straight

as she said her farewell by the coffin

then I went to get my son

took him aside 

laughed and cried 

at the same time 

thankful that he is ok 

the same night 

i watched my son sleep 

watched his tiny chest

moving up and down 

just feeling lucky 

and terrified

all at once 

what If I loose him?

what If he looses me?

the agony and beauty 

of being a mother 

It all becomes so fragile

it all becomes so terrifying 

but it all also

becomes so 

beautiful. 

Thank you 

Love/ Mom